What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't: Relationship Advice and Respect

Rhoda Sommer LCSW

Relationships

Mental Health

Communication

Trust

Conflict Resolution

Vulnerability

Self-Awareness

Emotional Intimacy

Shame

Personal Growth

Intimacy

Connection

Emotional Intelligence

Neuroplasticity

Emotional Resilience

Neuroscience

Communication In Relationships

Self-Forgiveness

Openness

Therapy

Relationships matter. Do you want to know the nitty gritty of what makes a relationship work? Get your answers to relationship questions. Learn how to keep respect alive & well, because lack of respect is why people get divorced. Learn what builds trust & how to recover from infidelity, drama or codependency. Advice from psychotherapist Rhoda Sommer based on over 35 years of working with couples. ... more

386 ratings

Publishes	Twice monthly	Episodes	182	Founded	12 years ago
Number of Listeners		Categories	RelationshipsHealth & FitnessMental HealthSociety & Culture

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Latest Episodes

What Your Envy Is Trying to Tell You (It's Not What You Think)

There are some emotions we talk about all the time, and then there are emotions we quietly tuck away because we're not proud of them. Envy is one of those emotions. We rarely admit it, rarely examine it, and almost never talk about it honestly. Yet i... more

Yesterday • 46 min

Is Your Partner Really the Problem? The Mental Health Work That Can Transform Your Relationship

Relationships help us grow up. That's one of the things I love about them, even though sometimes it's also one of the things we like the least. Our relationships hold up a mirror to us. They show us where we're generous and where we're selfish, where... more

7 Oct 2026 • 45 min • Most popular

Why you keep choosing the wrong people, the hidden trauma behind your relationship patterns

Have you ever looked at your relationships and thought, why do I keep ending up here? Maybe you keep choosing emotionally unavailable people. Maybe you become the caretaker, the pursuer, the one who works harder to make the relationship work. Maybe y... more

24 Sep 2026 • 1 hr

Why You Can't Always Control Your Emotions—and How to Change That

What if being emotionally overwhelmed isn't a character flaw—and learning to regulate yourself isn't about becoming someone who never gets upset? What if self-regulation is simply learning how to find your footing again when life knocks you off balan... more

9 Sep 2026 • 56 min

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The Mel Robbins PodcastMel Robbins

Recent Guests

Celeste Berkhofer

Licensed clinical psychologist and adjunct clinical faculty member at Stanford Medical School's Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences

Stanford Medical School, Jed Foundation (Clinical Advisory Board)

Episode: Is Your Partner Really the Problem? The Mental Health Work That Can Transform Your Relationship

Dr. Jillian O'Shea Brown

New York-based psychotherapist, adjunct professor at NYU, EMDRIA approved consultant

Independent practitioner (author of Healing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; Psyches Awakening)

Episode: Why you keep choosing the wrong people, the hidden trauma behind your relationship patterns

Nicoletta Dragon

Author, licensed psychotherapist, and mental health educator

Author of The Art of Self-Regulation; mental health program specialist in a Southern California school district; psychology instructor

Episode: Why You Can't Always Control Your Emotions—and How to Change That

Tyler Patrick

Therapist specializing in addiction, recovery, compulsive sexual behavior, and betrayal trauma

The Therapy Brothers (co-hosts)

Episode: The Hidden Habits That Are Quietly Hurting Your Relationship (And How to Change Them)

Brandon Patrick

LCSW specializing in addiction recovery and betrayal trauma

The Therapy Brothers (co-hosts)

Episode: The Hidden Habits That Are Quietly Hurting Your Relationship (And How to Change Them)

Frank Spinelli, MD

Physician, certified health coach, trauma-informed recovery expert, author

ReFrame platform; author of The Shame Compass

Episode: What Shame Is Really Trying to Tell You: The Surprising Key to Healing Trauma and Finding Yourself Again

Yossi Amram

Licensed clinical psychologist, CEO, leadership coach; author of Spiritually Intelligent Leadership

Awakenings SI / truemasculinity.org / genderinglove.org / awakeningsi.org

Episode: Why You Keep Having the Same Fight: Break the Relationship Patterns That Keep You Stuck?

Bridget Todd

Award-winning creator, host and producer at the intersection of technology, culture, and identity; creator of There Are No Girls on the Internet and AI in Real Life (Mozilla), AI ethics advocate

There Are No Girls on the Internet; IRL, AI in Real Life; Mozilla

Episode: Falling in Love With AI? The Future of Love, Connection & Human Relationships

Dr. D. Yvonne Young

Globally recognized authority in human behavior, leadership, psychology, and emotional mastery

Independent researcher/author

Episode: Unlocking Empathy: One Path to Richer Relationships

Host

Rhoda Sommer

Host of What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't: Relationship Advice and Respect

Reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars from 386 ratings

Unhelpful chatter
Unhelpful chatter. Unclear language. Not well edited.
Apple Podcasts
1
Nicknamesuckazzz
Canada7 months ago
I need this podcast
I’ve learned so much from listening to this podcast. I listen to my favorite episodes more than once because there are so many takeaways. I personally like when Rhoda gives a lecture style podcast because it’s so thoughtful. I think the whole thing feels like she is just being herself instead of trying to sound a certain type of generic way. Love that.
Apple Podcasts
5
A Buzzfeed app lover
United States10 months ago
Best relationship podcast!
Great content featuring a thoughtfully selected and diverse group of guest speakers. The profound, informed, and well-written questions posed to the guests ensure that we don’t miss out on any valuable insights. This demonstrates the Host’s commitment to being well-versed and thoroughly pre-studied on specialized topics, such as the speakers’ writing or their books. As a result, the discussion is guided and very well-informed, staying on topic without any unnecessary fluff. I appreciate this, as... more
Apple Podcasts
5
Samus187
United States10 months ago
Not sure,
I feel like she is just reading from a book. Maybe I’m not far enough into the podcast. Episode 13 and just not feeling it.
Apple Podcasts
3
Apparition565
Canada10 months ago
Mechanical and Machine Like
There’s nothing worse than listening to someone reading a chapter or off a script for 45min straight. Enlighten us by dropping in an opinion here and there. The podcast feels more like an audiobook.
Apple Podcasts
1
Heavy Haul Driver
United States2 years ago

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Listeners Say

Key themes from listener reviews, highlighting what works and what could be improved about the show.

Some listeners feel the host's delivery can be intense or scripted, impacting accessibility for some listeners.

Overall, the content is highly helpful for improving personal relationships and understanding complex topics in therapy and psychology.

The show provides deep, actionable relationship guidance without heavy ads or interruptions.

The host asks thoughtful, well-researched questions that surface valuable insights from diverse guests.

Guests are consistently high-caliber, offering practical strategies and evidence-based perspectives.

Chart Rankings

How this podcast ranks in the Apple Podcasts, Spotify and YouTube charts.

Apple Podcasts	#209	United States/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#143	Canada/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#200	United Kingdom/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#72	Philippines/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#120	South Africa/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#131	Spain/Society & Culture/Relationships

Talking Points

Recent interactions between the hosts and their guests.

Why you keep choosing the wrong people, the hidden trauma behind your relationship patterns

Q: How does myth function as a framework for understanding personal trauma and growth?

Myth provides mirror and map: it personifies inner struggles through archetypes like Narcissus and Echo, showing how unresolved wounds shape desires and defenses. By engaging with these stories, listeners can externalize and reframe their pain, transforming it into wisdom and a more compassionate self.

Why you keep choosing the wrong people, the hidden trauma behind your relationship patterns

Q: What practical steps can someone take to trace and interrupt a repeating relationship pattern beyond the erotic map?

Start with a two-part approach: first, observe who you spend time with and how they affect your self-view (social pruning); second, listen to your body's sensations in response to each person, especially throat tightness or chest tension, to identify underlying emotional cues. These habits help shift from automatic reenactment to conscious choice.

What Shame Is Really Trying to Tell You: The Surprising Key to Healing Trauma and Finding Yourself Again

Q: What are the three biggest misconceptions about shame?

The distinctions between shame and guilt; that shame equals weakness; and the belief that shame should be eliminated rather than understood as information that can guide healing.

Unlocking Understanding: Thriving in Difficult Relationships with Personality Disorders

Q: How can people express anger in a relationship without hurting or belittling their partner?

Use a 'me-you-we' script: say 'I feel X when you do Y' to own the emotion, acknowledge the other person's perspective, and propose a collaborative solution rather than blaming, so the conversation stays constructive.

Unlocking Understanding: Thriving in Difficult Relationships with Personality Disorders

Q: What are the red flags or signs that someone may have a personality disorder?

Red flags include extreme reactions to closeness and distancing, difficulty handling intimacy, and patterns that repeat rather than single incidents; testing a date by noticing how someone responds to expectations and apologies can reveal these patterns.

Audience Metrics

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Frequently Asked Questions About This Podcast

What is This Podcast about and what kind of topics does it cover?

A relationship-focused show that pulls from psychology, therapy, and behavioral science to help couples understand and improve how they relate. Episodes frequently explore attachment, communication, vulnerability, and practical tools for healthier dynamics, often featuring clinicians, researchers, and coaches who translate complex concepts into actionable steps. Notable strengths include a rigorous guest lineup spanning neuroscience, trauma, chronic illness, and negotiation, plus a host known for asking targeted questions that surface concrete takeaways. Some reviews mention a powerful depth and no-ads format, while a few listeners critique the host's delivery or tone as being intense or scripted at times, suggesting the show may work best ... more

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Which podcasts are similar to this podcast?

These podcasts share a similar audience with this podcast:

1. Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice
2. Relationship Advice
3. Relationship Renovation: Why Couples Get Stuck & How They Find Their Way Back
4. The Psychology of Relationships
5. The Mel Robbins Podcast

How many episodes of this podcast are there?

this podcast launched 12 years ago and published 182 episodes to date. You can find more information about this podcast including rankings, audience demographics and engagement in our podcast database.

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What guests have appeared on this podcast?

Recent guests on this podcast include:

1. Celeste Berkhofer
2. Dr. Jillian O'Shea Brown
3. Nicoletta Dragon
4. Tyler Patrick
5. Brandon Patrick
6. Frank Spinelli, MD
7. Yossi Amram
8. Bridget Todd

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