What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't: Relationship Advice and Respect

Rhoda Sommer LCSW

Relationships

Mental Health

Communication

Conflict Resolution

Trust

Vulnerability

Self-Awareness

Emotional Intimacy

Shame

Personal Growth

Intimacy

Connection

Emotional Intelligence

Neuroplasticity

Emotional Resilience

Neuroscience

Communication In Relationships

Self-Forgiveness

Openness

Therapy

Relationships matter. Do you want to know the nitty gritty of what makes a relationship work? Get your answers to relationship questions. Learn how to keep respect alive & well, because lack of respect is why people get divorced. Learn what builds trust & how to recover from infidelity, drama or codependency. Advice from psychotherapist Rhoda Sommer based on over 35 years of working with couples. ... more

386 ratings

Publishes	Twice monthly	Episodes	183	Founded	12 years ago
Number of Listeners		Categories	RelationshipsHealth & FitnessMental HealthSociety & Culture

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Guests Host Reviews Charts Talking Points

Latest Episodes

How to Build a Stronger Marriage: Stop Blaming Each Other and Start Choosing "Us"

What if the biggest problem in your relationship isn't that you disagree, fight, or even hurt each other? What if the problem is that, somewhere along the way, you stopped taking care of the "us"? Taking care of the "us" means learning to listen even... more

4 Nov 2026 • 49 min • Most popular

What Your Envy Is Trying to Tell You (It's Not What You Think)

There are some emotions we talk about all the time, and then there are emotions we quietly tuck away because we're not proud of them. Envy is one of those emotions. We rarely admit it, rarely examine it, and almost never talk about it honestly. Yet i... more

21 Oct 2026 • 46 min

Is Your Partner Really the Problem? The Mental Health Work That Can Transform Your Relationship

Relationships help us grow up. That's one of the things I love about them, even though sometimes it's also one of the things we like the least. Our relationships hold up a mirror to us. They show us where we're generous and where we're selfish, where... more

7 Oct 2026 • 45 min

Why you keep choosing the wrong people, the hidden trauma behind your relationship patterns

Have you ever looked at your relationships and thought, why do I keep ending up here? Maybe you keep choosing emotionally unavailable people. Maybe you become the caretaker, the pursuer, the one who works harder to make the relationship work. Maybe y... more

24 Sep 2026 • 1 hr

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Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating AdviceDr. Morgan Anderson

Relationships Made EasyDr. Abby Medcalf

The Psychology of RelationshipsJulie Krafchick & Yue Xu

Recent Guests

Jonathan VanVegan

Couples therapist, registered psychotherapist, and creator of The Chosen and Cherished Method

Episode: How to Build a Stronger Marriage: Stop Blaming Each Other and Start Choosing "Us"

Stacy Kim

Social scientist, life coach, and author of Envy: Why Wanting What They Have Is the Key to Getting What You Want

Life Junctions, LLC

Episode: What Your Envy Is Trying to Tell You (It's Not What You Think)

Celeste Berkhofer

Licensed clinical psychologist and adjunct clinical faculty member at Stanford Medical School's Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences

Stanford Medical School, Jed Foundation (Clinical Advisory Board)

Episode: Is Your Partner Really the Problem? The Mental Health Work That Can Transform Your Relationship

Dr. Jillian O'Shea Brown

New York-based psychotherapist, adjunct professor at NYU, EMDRIA approved consultant

Independent practitioner (author of Healing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; Psyches Awakening)

Episode: Why you keep choosing the wrong people, the hidden trauma behind your relationship patterns

Nicoletta Dragon

Author, licensed psychotherapist, and mental health educator

Author of The Art of Self-Regulation; mental health program specialist in a Southern California school district; psychology instructor

Episode: Why You Can't Always Control Your Emotions—and How to Change That

Tyler Patrick

Therapist specializing in addiction, recovery, compulsive sexual behavior, and betrayal trauma

The Therapy Brothers (co-hosts)

Episode: The Hidden Habits That Are Quietly Hurting Your Relationship (And How to Change Them)

Brandon Patrick

LCSW specializing in addiction recovery and betrayal trauma

The Therapy Brothers (co-hosts)

Episode: The Hidden Habits That Are Quietly Hurting Your Relationship (And How to Change Them)

Frank Spinelli, MD

Physician, certified health coach, trauma-informed recovery expert, author

ReFrame platform; author of The Shame Compass

Episode: What Shame Is Really Trying to Tell You: The Surprising Key to Healing Trauma and Finding Yourself Again

Yossi Amram

Licensed clinical psychologist, CEO, leadership coach; author of Spiritually Intelligent Leadership

Awakenings SI / truemasculinity.org / genderinglove.org / awakeningsi.org

Episode: Why You Keep Having the Same Fight: Break the Relationship Patterns That Keep You Stuck?

Host

Rhoda Sommer

Psychotherapist with more than 35 years of experience working with couples

Reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars from 386 ratings

Unhelpful chatter
Unhelpful chatter. Unclear language. Not well edited.
Apple Podcasts
1
Nicknamesuckazzz
Canada8 months ago
I need this podcast
I’ve learned so much from listening to this podcast. I listen to my favorite episodes more than once because there are so many takeaways. I personally like when Rhoda gives a lecture style podcast because it’s so thoughtful. I think the whole thing feels like she is just being herself instead of trying to sound a certain type of generic way. Love that.
Apple Podcasts
5
A Buzzfeed app lover
United States10 months ago
Best relationship podcast!
Great content featuring a thoughtfully selected and diverse group of guest speakers. The profound, informed, and well-written questions posed to the guests ensure that we don’t miss out on any valuable insights. This demonstrates the Host’s commitment to being well-versed and thoroughly pre-studied on specialized topics, such as the speakers’ writing or their books. As a result, the discussion is guided and very well-informed, staying on topic without any unnecessary fluff. I appreciate this, as... more
Apple Podcasts
5
Samus187
United States10 months ago
Not sure,
I feel like she is just reading from a book. Maybe I’m not far enough into the podcast. Episode 13 and just not feeling it.
Apple Podcasts
3
Apparition565
Canada10 months ago
Mechanical and Machine Like
There’s nothing worse than listening to someone reading a chapter or off a script for 45min straight. Enlighten us by dropping in an opinion here and there. The podcast feels more like an audiobook.
Apple Podcasts
1
Heavy Haul Driver
United States2 years ago

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Listeners Say

Key themes from listener reviews, highlighting what works and what could be improved about the show.

Many praise Rhoda's focused questions, informed interviews and selection of expert guests.

Listeners value the practical relationship guidance and say it has helped them reflect, grow and improve their partnerships.

Some listeners find the delivery too loud, lecture-like or scripted, and say it can make the material harder to absorb.

Audio levels and occasional background noise are recurring production concerns.

Chart Rankings

How this podcast ranks in the Apple Podcasts, Spotify and YouTube charts.

Apple Podcasts	#174	United States/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#182	United Kingdom/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#234	Canada/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#38	India/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#71	United Arab Emirates/Society & Culture/Relationships
Apple Podcasts	#164	South Africa/Society & Culture/Relationships

Talking Points

Recent interactions between the hosts and their guests.

How to Build a Stronger Marriage: Stop Blaming Each Other and Start Choosing "Us"

Q: How do we recognize when fear is running the relationship? And what does it mean to choose connection instead?

He says fear often reflects deep beliefs about oneself, such as being unlovable or easy to leave. Couples can build connection by recognizing those identity-level wounds and consistently showing each other, through words and actions, that they are valued and secure.

How to Build a Stronger Marriage: Stop Blaming Each Other and Start Choosing "Us"

Q: What's the most common piece of relationship advice you think actually keeps people stuck? And when couples come to you, arguing about one thing, what might they really be trying to communicate underneath the argument?

VanVegan argues that telling people to better express their needs can reinforce scarcity and make requests sound like demands. He encourages partners to express what they want and to approach one another as people who want to help each other get those desires met.

What Your Envy Is Trying to Tell You (It's Not What You Think)

Q: If someone notices they are feeling envious, what's the first question they should ask themselves instead of judging the feeling?

Kim advises first acknowledging that the feeling hurts and is normal. Then the person can ask what the envy is trying to tell them and use the SIREN components to examine the target, underlying desire, relevance, and intensity.

What Your Envy Is Trying to Tell You (It's Not What You Think)

Q: What is the promise of envy, and how can people keep social media from making comparison worse?

Kim says envy signals what a person desires and can point to goals that feel attainable. Social media increases the frequency of comparisons, so she encourages people to notice what envy is showing them rather than treating it only as a harmful emotion.

Why you keep choosing the wrong people, the hidden trauma behind your relationship patterns

Q: How does myth function as a framework for understanding personal trauma and growth?

Myth provides mirror and map: it personifies inner struggles through archetypes like Narcissus and Echo, showing how unresolved wounds shape desires and defenses. By engaging with these stories, listeners can externalize and reframe their pain, transforming it into wisdom and a more compassionate self.

Audience Metrics

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Frequently Asked Questions About This Podcast

What is This Podcast about and what kind of topics does it cover?

Psychotherapist Rhoda Sommer draws on more than 35 years of couples work to examine what builds trust, respect, intimacy and resilience, and what can undermine them. Most episodes are guided interviews with clinicians, researchers, authors and other specialists, with practical questions and tools for applying their expertise to romantic relationships and personal growth. Topics range from conflict, infidelity, attachment and sexual desire to trauma, chronic illness, empathy and the effects of technology on intimacy. The mix of clinical perspectives and real-life examples makes complex emotional and relationship dynamics accessible to people seeking useful ideas for themselves or their partnerships. Some episodes take a more lecture-style ap... more

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Which podcasts are similar to this podcast?

These podcasts share a similar audience with this podcast:

1. Relationship Advice
2. Relationship Renovation: Why Couples Get Stuck & How They Find Their Way Back
3. Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice
4. Relationships Made Easy
5. The Psychology of Relationships

How many episodes of this podcast are there?

this podcast launched 12 years ago and published 183 episodes to date. You can find more information about this podcast including rankings, audience demographics and engagement in our podcast database.

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What guests have appeared on this podcast?

Recent guests on this podcast include:

1. Jonathan VanVegan
2. Stacy Kim
3. Celeste Berkhofer
4. Dr. Jillian O'Shea Brown
5. Nicoletta Dragon
6. Tyler Patrick
7. Brandon Patrick
8. Frank Spinelli, MD

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