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Am I The Problem?

Helen Villiers MA
ADHD
Autism
Mental Health
Emotional Abuse
Narcissism
Trauma
Neurodivergence
Gaslighting
Parenting
Parental Relationships
Parenting After Trauma
Boundaries
Emotional Manipulation
Healing
Teenage Development
Grief
Parental Responsibility
Therapy
CPTSD
Dyscalculia

Answering listener's questions about dealing with narcissistic or toxic people, managing or parenting ADHD and autism. If you have a question for Helen submit it here: liberationacademy.co.uk/podcast/ Helen Villiers is a psychotherapist with ADHD and co-author of You're Not The Problem. Is This A Thing? is the paid for companion episode and goes deeper into concepts mentioned in the main e... more

PublishesWeeklyEpisodes66Founded2 years ago
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Artwork for Am I The Problem?

Latest Episodes

A listener writes in about growing up with a parent who was controlling, critical and sometimes physically abusive, and who scrutinised her weight from childhood. She has built a life she is happy with, but now her other parent is seriously ill, and ... more

A listener writes in about her dad, who she used to think was the good parent. Her mum stonewalled, gaslit and shamed her and her siblings from the time they were tiny, and her dad never stood up to her, and sometimes even agreed with her to save his... more

A listener who is pregnant with her first baby writes in about her mother. At her wedding, her mum chose the colour scheme, the caterers, the venue and even the dress, and the listener went along with it to keep the peace. Now her mum is pushing for ... more

YouTube

A listener overhears her husband telling a room full of men he wishes she would lose weight, because he “didn’t sign up for a fat wife”. She says nothing until they get home. He turns on her for eavesdropping, then collapses into how much he hates hi... more

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Recent Guests

Harriet Shearsmith
Author, coach and trainee psychotherapist; known for Unfollowing Mum book and podcast
Unfollowing Mum / Cycle Breakers
Episode: 32. The Hardest Thing About Going No Contact with Harriet Shearsmith
Juliet Grayson
Psychosexual therapist specializing in trauma and author of 'Landscapes of the Heart'
Episode: Boundaries and Trauma with Juliet Grayson

Host

Helen Villiers
Host of the show; psychotherapist with ADHD; co-author of You're Not The Problem; specializes in adults raised by narcissistic and emotionally abusive parents, particularly with ADHD/autism.

Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars from 49 ratings
  • ADHD episode

    So incredibly helpful- thank you so very much.

    Apple Podcasts
    4
    podcastdaisy
    United Kingdom7 months ago
  • Challenging behaviour

    I always learn something new from Helen and have taken away fantastic practical examples to use when I need help to support my child. Everybody’s story although different never fails to give me a light bulb moment. Thank you, you help keep me grounded!

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    Spirit of mushroom
    United Kingdoma year ago
  • So impressed 😊

    I came across an episode of Helen’s podcasts on youtube. From what I heard, it sounded like actual therapy! I decides to listen closer here, through the pod format.

    I’ve only listened to one episode so far and am very impressed from how Helen follows the person she talks to! I am intrigued by having access to such difficult as these actually are.

    I want to commend every person in the programme for being so, so brave ❤️ And thank you to you all and Helen for giving an open source where people ca... more

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    Aplusinskal
    Swedena year ago
  • Heal as you listen

    Every story of parental narcissistic abuse is different but the core themes are exactly the same in all and that’s what makes listening to these conversations so full of light bulb moments. Helen is world class in her ability to lead a person out of the ‘cult like’ state of captivity that narcissistic abuse puts a person in and setting them firmly on the path to freedom.

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    nestmaker
    United Kingdoma year ago
  • So important

    This series is invaluable in helping so many people who relate to the themes of living with someone narcissistic or being brought up by a narcissistic parent and the impact of this. These podcasts are the best of their type by far..

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    Janie2717
    United Kingdoma year ago

Listeners Say

Key themes from listener reviews, highlighting what works and what could be improved about the show.

guests and content are described as transformative and practically helpful
episodes are praised for clarity and actionable steps that viewers can implement
a strong sense of community through the hub is a key draw for ongoing support
episodes feel supportive and non-judgmental for those unpicking traumatic upbringings
listeners appreciate the therapist-led guidance and real-world applicability

Chart Rankings

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Talking Points

Recent interactions between the hosts and their guests.

3. My Dad Never Stood Up For Me. How Do I Stop Being So Angry?
Q: How do I become less angry with my dad?
Villiers says not to treat anger as a malfunction, but to consider what it protects, including grief and hurt over his failure to protect her. She recommends stepping away when anger starts, grieving what was missing, and deciding whether to accept the relationship as it is or raise the issue after weighing the possible costs and benefits.
2. She Says It’s Her Right To Be At The Birth. Am I Being Mean?
Q: Who's right?
Based on the listener's account, Villiers says the listener and her husband are right about the birth. Her mother has no entitlement to attend, and the sister's accusation and father's demand for an apology do not make the listener's choice cruel or create an offense.
2. She Says It’s Her Right To Be At The Birth. Am I Being Mean?
Q: How do I tell my mom to back off without upsetting her?
Villiers says there may be no way to set a boundary without upsetting her mother, and that the listener is not responsible for managing that disappointment. She recommends clearly stating that her husband will be her birth partner, not debating the decision, and maintaining privacy around plans if family members use information to pressure her.
39. Leaving With No Resources
Q: So, the question is, hi Helen, am I a bad person for losing patience with my highly stressed husband?
The host explains that losing patience can be a normal human reaction when boundaries are crossed repeatedly, but it does not make someone bad. The focus is on whether the partner's behavior is acceptable, the impact on the children, and the listener's boundaries. She emphasizes that impact matters more than intention, and that people should take responsibility for their own behavior even when stressed.
31. Why Does Being Seen Still Feel Unsafe?
Q: How has your family reacted to you sharing your experiences or achievements?
Often with ownership and appropriation, turning the focus onto themselves or others, which makes the guest feel invalidated and unseen, reinforcing a cycle of silence.

Audience Metrics

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Frequently Asked Questions About Am I The Problem?

What is Am I The Problem? about and what kind of topics does it cover?

Experts in neurodivergence, trauma, and healing guide late-diagnosed ADHD and autistic adults through the mechanics of how childhood toxicity shapes present-day feelings, boundaries, and relationships. Across episodes, the focus is on practical strategies to identify underlying mechanisms (like alexithymia, masking, the fawn response, and boundary-setting), reframe self-blame, and build healthier identities and habits in daily life, work, and parenting. A standout aspect is the blend of clinical insight with personal narrative, plus an active membership community offering ongoing support and resources for deeper practice. Listeners are likely drawn to accessible, therapy-grounded guidance that normalizes their experiences while offering con... more

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Which podcasts are similar to Am I The Problem??

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1. Beyond Survival - The Therapy Podcast with Katie McKenna
2. ADHD Chatter
3. ZOE Science & Nutrition
4. Woman's Hour
5. Therapy Works

How many episodes of Am I The Problem? are there?

Am I The Problem? launched 2 years ago and published 66 episodes to date. You can find more information about this podcast including rankings, audience demographics and engagement in our podcast database.

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What guests have appeared on Am I The Problem??

Recent guests on Am I The Problem? include:

1. Harriet Shearsmith
2. Juliet Grayson

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