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Artwork for Square Roots

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa
Sea Of Stars
Enchanted Arms
Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth
Final Fantasy VII
Thief: the Dark Project
Final Fantasy V
Grandia II
Tactics Ogre
Mass Effect Andromeda
Dishonored
Final Fantasy VII Rebirth
Mass Effect: Andromeda
Paper Mario: the Thousand Year Door
Beyond Good & Evil
South Of Midnight
Sephiroth
Bayonetta
Paper Mario: the Thousand-Year Door
Chocobo
Dragon Age: Inquisition

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

PublishesWeeklyEpisodes560Founded10 years ago
Number of ListenersCategories
LeisureComedyVideo Games

Listen to this Podcast

Artwork for Square Roots

Latest Episodes

Legend of Dragoon Part 1: LAVITZ SLAMBERT! Square Roots - Episode 515

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:02:45 Quest Log: 0:28:50 Level Up: 2:05:00

MATT'S BANISHMENT ENDS! Jim stands the entire time! And we start Sony's Definitely Not Inspired By Final Fantasy... more

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 6: Ghost Court Square Roots - Episode 514

Hot Gaming Gossip: NOT THIS WEEK! Quest Log: 0:16:34 Level Up: 1:29:30

Sorry for the delay. This episode of Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden is cursed. Everything has gone ... more

YouTube

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 5: I Saw Some Locking, But Not A Lot of Popping Square Roots - Episode 513

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:04:15 Quest Log: 0:32:58 Level Up: 1:40:50

This time on Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden, we pause before the final co... more

YouTube

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 4: The Hurricane's Made of Problems Square Roots - Episode 512

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:09:05 Quest Log: 0:41:10 Level Up: 1:51:50

Even with Matt gone, we somehow went two and a half hours this chunker. Mostly so Va... more

YouTube

Key Facts

Contact Information
Podcast Host
Number of Listeners
Find out how many people listen to this podcast per episode and each month.

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Recent Guests

Lampy Lamentation Brandon
Guest character alias for Umjammer Lammy style joke; actual guest name is Johnny Lamentation Brandon
Guest on episode
Episode: Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 3: Bubsy Says Kid Power!
Jim Banks
Guest, reportedly joining via audio insert
Unspecified
Episode: The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 4 - Egg

Hosts

Jim Banks
Host with a focus on classic RPGs and group banter; part of the central quartet.
Matthew Van Zandt
Co-host/host contributing analysis and humor through long-form playthroughs.
Vanessa Ascension
Co-host bringing perspective and balance to discussions, often addressing game-writing and culture.
Johnny Brandon
Host/Co-host involved in game debates, humor, and community banter.

Reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars from 396 ratings
  • measured criticism

    I wish these COWARDS would play the trails games but they won’t they’ll play bayonetta which ISNT EVEN AN RPG guess I have no choice but to hate-listen to every season of the show

    Apple Podcasts
    3
    Pobody’sNerfect
    United Statesa year ago
  • Yawn

    Good choice of games but cast is void of any chemistry together and individually the takes are just not that interesting. Also weirdly hateful? Just bad energy on top of not bringing any entertainment or educational value to the table

    Apple Podcasts
    2
    Jacob333333333
    United Statesa year ago
  • 5 out of 5

    Hey all, just found the show about 3 weeks ago. Joined the Facebook group and have been listening at work and catching up on shows. Love the podcast!! You guys are hilarious!

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    Multi_Pass
    United Statesa year ago
  • It's incredible how this bunch of 20-somethings can be so knowledgeable about games which were released way before their time. These hosts are wise and witty beyond their years.

    Podchaser
    5
    krystelthamrin
    a year ago
  • Dead air

    Saw a podcast series on tactics ogre reborn and thought that’s great can’t wait, I’d prefer not to be mean but these folk needs to listen back to their podcasts. So much dead air, boring chat, and it’s like they have no outline at all

    Great idea, really poor execution, good luck in the future

    Apple Podcasts
    1
    ScottyyyG
    Canada2 years ago

Listeners Say

Key themes from listener reviews, highlighting what works and what could be improved about the show.

Some listeners note occasional dead air or rambly sections, especially during long episodes.
Listeners love the nostalgia and deep dives into classic RPGs.
Overall, chemistry and camaraderie keep the chat engaging even when defending controversial takes.
A few comment on political or social topics seeping into discussions, dividing some listeners.
Shows appreciation for the supportive, almost family-like vibe and regular audience interaction.

Chart Rankings

How this podcast ranks in the Apple Podcasts, Spotify and YouTube charts.

Talking Points

Recent interactions between the hosts and their guests.

South of Midnight Part 2: Edgytainment 6-7
Q: Do you think it's a good corporate strategy for a big conglomerate who has a ton of money to squat on those patents?
The threat was enough to get Pal-World to make changes to their game, and that's all they really care about.
Grandia II Part 1: Max Load
Q: So what are you squarely against?
Well, I'm squarely against Ryudo's misogyny.
Grandia II Part 1: Max Load
Q: Jim, did you ever at least do the half pop on the collar?
I never did a half pop.
Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 5 - Not Abuna Prancett!
Q: What did you all do before the quest log?
We talked about our leveling up experiences, including various shows and games we've been engaged with.

Audience Metrics

Listeners, social reach, demographics and more for this podcast.

Listeners per Episode
Gender Skew
Location
Interests
Professions
Age Range
Household Income
Social Media Reach

Frequently Asked Questions About Square Roots

What is Square Roots about and what kind of topics does it cover?

A roundtable-style RPG podcast feels like a gamer book club: a tight-knit group dives into classic role-playing adventures, balancing detailed playthrough analysis with playful banter, personal anecdotes, and ongoing debates about narrative choices, game design, and nostalgia. Episodes often weave long-form discussions of dungeon design, pacing, and character arcs with light tech talk, pop culture tangents, and community headlines, creating a warm, accessible space for fans of retro RPGs and gaming culture. A standout is the hosts' genuine camaraderie, which keeps conversations lively even when exploring thorny topics like representation, game mechanics, and the evolving RPG genre. The show also leans into audience engagement through recaps... more

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Which podcasts are similar to Square Roots?

These podcasts share a similar audience with Square Roots:

1. Axe of the Blood God: An RPG Podcast
2. Triple Click
3. We Hate Movies
4. The Besties
5. Get Played

How many episodes of Square Roots are there?

Square Roots launched 10 years ago and published 560 episodes to date. You can find more information about this podcast including rankings, audience demographics and engagement in our podcast database.

How do I contact Square Roots?

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What guests have appeared on Square Roots?

Recent guests on Square Roots include:

1. Lampy Lamentation Brandon
2. Jim Banks

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