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Artwork for If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes
Patreon
Comedy
Tiktok
The Pitt
Video Games
Star Wars
Basketball
Wheel Of Fortune
Stevie Wonder
Stand-Up Comedy
Cheesecake Factory
Los Angeles
Pat Sajak
House
Quiz
Aliexpress
Major League Baseball
Corporate America
Ryan Seacrest
Moving Into a New Home

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

PublishesWeeklyEpisodes187Founded4 years ago
Number of ListenersCategories
Society & CultureImprovComedy

Listen to this Podcast

Artwork for If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

Latest Episodes

Drivey note: this week's episode has been untouched by the loving hands of producer Jordan Mallory. John is much worse at Jordan's job than Jordan is, so please forgive this week for any audio issues or snafus.

This week, John bravely asks the quest... more

This week merritt, John and Niki do an extended Star Wars goof (I don't think any of these spoilers are real, but who can say, really? I sure as shit didn't watch that movie), before moving on to greener, less celestial pastures, including any date b... more

This week Niki, John and merritt discuss their shower habits, the contents of the Nickelodeon time capsule, skinned Grogu, the premise of 1997 ABC television series Teen Angel, the ending of Full House, and gang? Somehow even more.

Welcome to If You... more

Niki is out this week, but merritt and John still find plenty to talk about in the meantime. Well, by "plenty" I mean mostly Tim Allen, but there's some other stuff in there too! Netbooks, Destiny 2 nightmares, child actors and their fates, reverse e... more

Key Facts

Accepts Sponsors
Contact Information
Podcast Host
Number of Listeners
Find out how many people listen to this podcast per episode and each month.

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Recent Guests

Daryn Lurien
Guest referenced in discussion
Episode: Hails or Teads
Skylar Gazando
Actor; discussed for Shrek 5 and other projects
Shrek 5 cast
Episode: 1-900-SMUT-BUSTERS
Michael Hyam
Game Developer Conference guest host
Episode: Spoonworthy
Niki Grayson
Guest, engaged in discussion about Scary Movie topics
Episode: Michael Tiddes
LB Hunktears
Recurring guest and friend of the hosts
Episode: shoes.help
Michael P. Higham
Celebrity guest and shoulder massager
Episode: Where's Vatican 2?
Michael Higham
Tech reviews editor at ign.com and a fan of the podcast
Imagine Games Network
Episode: Your Own Piss on Your Own Terms

Hosts

John Warren
Co-host, part of the regular hosting trio; often introduces topics with humor and participates in banter.
Niki Grayson
Co-host and regular panelist; known for witty banter and pop culture riffs.
Merritt Kay
Host who navigates discussion, contributes with humorous takes and improvisational energy; acts as main facilitator.

Reviews

4.9 out of 5 stars from 219 ratings
  • Just a

    Few nice words

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    joeinmontreal
    Canada2 months ago
  • Is it a Good Podcast ?

    It's a Great Podcast !

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    AegonTheLast
    Canada5 months ago
  • 5 out of 5 optometrists recommend

    Better 1? Better 2?

    Better 1 ? Better 2? Or the same?

    Neither?

    Ok great you can open your eyes, your prescription for your new favorite podcast is ready!

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    Warble Parble
    United States6 months ago
  • How good? So good

    Listened to back to back to back to back episodes while road tripping to the Adirondack mountains. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, beats these best friends just goofin’ around to make the hours on a road trip melt away. My only complaint is that driving a motorcycle with my eyes closed on some really twisty roads is a bit difficult, so I wasn’t able to actually properly follow directions. Please forgive me.

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    Jae
    United States6 months ago
  • good pod

    you should listen to it because it’s funny

    Apple Podcasts
    5
    Ben10282739301
    United States8 months ago

Listeners Say

Key themes from listener reviews, highlighting what works and what could be improved about the show.

The humor is chaotic but consistently funny and engaging.
Listeners praise the crew's chemistry and tight banter.
Advert reads and sponsor jokes add a playful meta layer that fans enjoy.

Chart Rankings

How this podcast ranks in the Apple Podcasts, Spotify and YouTube charts.

Apple Podcasts
#97
United States/Comedy/Improv
Apple Podcasts
#145
Canada/Comedy/Improv
Apple Podcasts
#105
Australia/Comedy/Improv
Apple Podcasts
#42
Mexico/Comedy/Improv
Apple Podcasts
#73
New Zealand/Comedy/Improv
Apple Podcasts
#86
Norway/Comedy/Improv

Talking Points

Recent interactions between the hosts and their guests.

Sorghum & The Famous Chicken
Q: In Mexico and other Latin American countries, which grain is sold popped like popcorn and mixed with sugar or honey?
The correct answer is amaranth, which is a staple in Mexican cuisine.
Sorghum & The Famous Chicken
Q: Which of these grains naturally contains gluten?
The correct answer is rye, which is the only one of the options that contains gluten.
Sorghum & The Famous Chicken
Q: Which of these grains is a source of complete protein?
The answer is quinoa, which contains all essential amino acids in a healthy balance.
Gimmick Month: Oops, Other People's Gimmicks
Q: Did you know Bug Hall had an interesting few years?
They discuss his controversies, including his conversion to Catholicism and social media troubles.
Gimmick Month: Oops, Other People's Gimmicks
Q: What is remixed from modern F If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes?
The theme for Gimmick Month is an annual tradition on the podcast where different topics are humorously dissected.

Audience Metrics

Listeners, social reach, demographics and more for this podcast.

Listeners per Episode
Gender Skew
Location
Interests
Professions
Age Range
Household Income
Social Media Reach

Frequently Asked Questions About If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

What is If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes about and what kind of topics does it cover?

Humor-driven, free-form conversations fueled by rapid-fire tangents, pop culture mashups, and improvisational banter among three core hosts. Episodes swing from Met Gala parodies and brand sponsorships to nostalgia-filled riffs on TV, video games, and cinema, all threaded with running gags, mock ads, and audience callbacks. The format leans into chaotic energy, with the trio riffing off each other and bringing in playful, outlandish scenarios that keep the tone light, irreverent, and highly entertaining for listeners who enjoy witty banter and cultural commentary. A notable strength is the meta awareness around sponsorships and audience engagement, plus a strong sense of camaraderie that shines without external guests. Potential listeners m... more

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Which podcasts are similar to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes?

These podcasts share a similar audience with If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes:

1. The VGBees Podcast
2. Side Story
3. The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG
4. Remap Radio
5. Post Games

How many episodes of If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes are there?

If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes launched 4 years ago and published 187 episodes to date. You can find more information about this podcast including rankings, audience demographics and engagement in our podcast database.

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What guests have appeared on If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes?

Recent guests on If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes include:

1. Daryn Lurien
2. Skylar Gazando
3. Michael Hyam
4. Niki Grayson
5. LB Hunktears
6. Michael P. Higham
7. Michael Higham

To view more recent guests and their details, simply upgrade your Rephonic account. You'll also get access to a typical guest profile to help you decide if the show is worth pitching.

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